After last weeks emphatic win over Braughing, County were hoping to maintain their 100% start to the season away against Hertford Celtic. With all the changing room talk about Manno’s man B***S and in particular from Darren White who was upset not to have got a mention about his impressive 34DD’s. It appears when the current County Hall team eventually fold; a few of us could spend Saturday afternoons performing in a lap dancing bar as there are plenty of great jugs in the team.

Last weeks record show of 17 players proved to be a blip as we were back to the normal 13 and with Earoles injuring himself in the warm up we were down to 12 which included Koffi. Stevie J was deputising in goal for Snails who was away on a Saga holiday, Neil started at right back in place of Tony who had a bad toe (although not that bad as he was still OK to walk around Bluewater all afternoon), Tiger was at left back and Butler and Manno in the middle. Matt Capello changed the trusted 4-4-2 formation and played 5 in midfield which were Lee Willson, Alan (I am always carrying an injury) and Darren Willson in the middle with Ben and Darren White on the wings with freedom to bomb on, Barry was up front on his own as Steve was away with the missus (he had all of May, June, July and August to do that).

The game kicked off and that was the last time either Ben or Darren White were in seen in our half, the game started extremely slowly which was mainly down to Tiger who every time got the ball booted it out for a throw which meant waiting 2 mins to get the ball back. It wasn’t long before county were causing HC trouble on the left, Darren White hit a screamer just over the bar, shortly afterwards a great ball from Whitey was knocked across the goal which Ben somehow managed to spoon over the bar when unmarked from 1 yard, the miss of the season or as Earoles called it ‘career’. With a lot of calls of ‘keep your head up’, you could faintly hear a small shout of ‘useless ginger cu*t’.

It wasn’t long before we were 1-0 up, after a quick throw from Darren White, Barry crossed superbly for Ben to bundle the ball home from 2 yards at the near post, slight question of an OG, but he needed the goal to boost his confidence after the earlier horror miss, 1-0.

We were now piling on the pressure and after a great cross from Darren Willson, Darren White missed a great opportunity when he put a header over the bar when unmarked, I am sure I heard a couple of ‘50p head’ calls.

We finally got our second goal when the ball was crossed to the back post, Lee Willson made a great leap to head the ball back into the mixer where Barry scored to make it 2-0.

We then seemed to take our foot of the gas a bit, not sure if it was the heat or we thought the game was over, after a bad clearance the ball feel to the HC player just inside the box who fired a great shot passed Stevie J to make it 2-1.

Then with 2 mins of the half remaining, a great team move started with Butler winning a header in defence resulted in Barry finishing in style with a great shot that flew in the top corner to make it 3-1 at half time.

Earoles was a bit happier at half time this week but still unhappy with the sloppy goal we conceded, with no water or oranges we all went out for the 2nd half as thirsty as when it’s Fowlers round.

The 2nd half started much slower and HC started to press on a bit but could not get through the County defence. We were creating lots of chances up front and were making some excellent moves. Midway through the 2nd half Ben finally got his 2nd to kill the game off after a great low cross ball from Barry, Ben was unmarked on the edge of the 6 yard box and could place the ball either side of the keeper decided to hit it directly at the keeper who palmed the ball a couple of times before it rolled in, another shout for a OG, 4-1.

County then went looking for more goals and after a great through ball Darren White was clear through on goal and surely this was 5-1 and game over, his first touch let him down and with his mind set between blasting or rounding the keeper, he blazed over and into the next County. He somehow managed to sneak a corner from the ref to dampen the scale of the miss, his penalty of 50 press ups and a £2 fine didn’t seem enough, although Ben would need a bank loan after his earlier miss.


With Alan carrying yet another injury, he was replaced by the fox in the box Koffi who moved to right midfield. HC started to apply some pressure but didn’t create any real chances, Stevie J came off his line very well and his kicking was what we wish Snails could be. Ben could sniff his hat trick and went on a mazey run beating 2 or 3 defenders; I think the pressure got to him as he fell over the ball in spectacular fashion; £1 sniper fine was applied.

The game finished 4-1 which was a good result on a very hard pitch and after 2 games we have maintained our 100% start to the season which must be a club record. We are at home next week to Elizabeth Allen and with a few players away could see a re shuffle from Matty Capello.