It had been a long 6 weeks since our last game against Greenbury, Christmas had come and gone, New Year was a blur and many snowmen had been built, one thing however was still there and that was the County Hall waistline.

This week we were at home (well Wormley playing fields) in the 4th round of the Junior cup against a very young fit looking Hinton FC.

We had 14 players available this week, Tony was missing as he was visiting Taylor and then nipping into Bluewater on the way home, Butler was still injured although he managed to dance badly in the evening at the golf club and Kofi who was away at the African cup of Nations. Unfortunately Kofi wasn’t driving the Togo team bus as first hoped, but lucky for us he is now too traumatised to ever play football for County Hall again (hint hint), we are extremely interested in signing up his lovely wife to play instead as she will be far more effective.

Matt started with a very strong and heavy team. Snails was in goal (it looked like he had used his left over snow spray on his hair), Neil right back and Darren White left back (it looked like they both had some left over Xmas dinner in their bellies). Matt and Brooksey in the middle (it looked like they had some left over Xmas dinner, dessert, boxing day dinner and new years eve dinners in their bellies). Midfield was Ben on the left (it looked like he had been using his Orange flavoured Xmas shampoo), Lee and Darren in the middle (even though they were NOT wearing their high heel shoes they got for Xmas) and Manno on the right (he looked exactly the same (W****R)). Barry was up front in his new boots with Steve who had borrowed some of Snails spray but only had time to do the sides.

Subs were Tiger who has celebrated more Xmas than the whole team put together and Alan who may have been the original owner of Snails snow spray and Stevie J who got a gold fish for Xmas as he lost his own swimmers during 2009.

Hinton started very lively and it was clear with the fast wingers and Jamie Affro playing down the middle, the defence was going to be in for a busy day. I don’t think we touched the ball for the first 5 mins and were under some heavy pressure, but the heavy county back 4 stood firm and Jamie affro was sniffed out by our own X factor contestant Brooksey aka Rik Waller.

Darren White got skinned in the first 5 mins and it was obvious those mince pies had caught up with him. We finally got the ball and we looked good playing some nice one touch football. But when Hinton had the ball their movement and speed was nothing County had faced all season, a ball was played over Neil’s head and the winger was away, Neil tried to tug his shirt but all the mince pies had clearly taken their toll aswell (although not sure I would have got anywhere near him when I was 21) and it was 1-1 with Whitey in the ‘been skinned stakes’ and the winger was through against Snails who miraculously had come off his line for the first time this season and possibly career, the winger clipped the ball over Snails and the ball was heading in but just curled wide at the very last moment, lucky escape.

County then had a chance of their own after some lovely football Steve Martin was through and his left foot shot went inches wide, unlucky not to score. Suddenly Hinton were looking wobbly at the back and within 10 mins Barry was through and his side foot shot also went inches wide (looks like the new boots for Xmas were not working properly). Hinton were still dangerous and very very fast, Snails made a good save from Jamie Affro after he got away from Rik for the 1st time of the game.

Then with 2 mins of the half remaining County got a penalty, as Barry stepped up with his new boots Darren said to Neil against this keeper it needs to go into the corner as he will have no chance, Neil replied good job Barry never hits into the corner…..as Barry stepped up and hit the ball straight down the middle as the keeper guessed right and saved, 0-0 half time and Barry was off to change his new boots.

The 2nd half was going to be hard as Hinton were now going downhill and so was the County fitness. Within 5 mins of the restart we were 1-0 down, the winger got past Neil (again) and put a good cross into the big nosed midfielder to score past Snails, 0-1.

Hinton were now in total control and it seemed we could not hang onto the ball; they were soon 2-0 up. A ball was played into Jamie Affro’s feet who turned and knocked it past Snails for a simple goal, 0-2.

Hinton’s 3rd goal was scored by the very tall centre half who volleyed in at the back post from a corner when totally unmarked, 0-3

Hinton made a sub bringing on another speedy midget so Matt made his own sub bringing on our speedy grey haired silver fox, Alan.

Hinton’s 4th goal had a hint of offside, the ball was played forward but I think our lino was asleep and the player slotted it past Snails, 0-4.

County started to get back into the game as Stevie J came on for Steve Martin who had to leave early to go and watch Spurs. Steve was full of running and was putting himself about; it didn’t help as Hinton scored their 5th.

Steve J had a great chance to score at the death when the ball was crossed and an open goal was begging, rather than hit it in with his right/standing foot, Steve tried to wrap his left leg round it and I think it went off for a throw, if it didn’t, it should have.

Tiger came on for the final 5 mins and there was still enough time for Ben to have a tussle against Goliath by the corner flag, he was bargin into the big fella and bouncing off, a light comedy moment in an otherwise hard game.

A good fitness workout for us after 6 weeks off and we will not be up against a team as fast as that again all season, thank God. Everyone battled well today and with a bit of better finishing in the first half, who knows. Congratulations to MOM Snails for letting in 5 goals and saving at least 1 shot.

We may have to complain to the league against Hinton for fielding a team that apparently didn’t have anyone over 25 and anyone that couldn’t run the 100 in less than 11 seconds, we would have loved to have 1 player under 30, let alone 25 and 1 person who could actually run 100 meters.